Commentaries

'I love you, Dad!' Say it like you mean it

  • Published
  • By Bob Vasquez
  • Center for Character Development
"I love you, Dad!" Those are the four most powerful words a father can hear. And, if you're like me, it's a sentiment I'm always listening for. As we celebrate Father's Day I wonder why those same words that bring a man so much joy are so difficult for many of us guys to utter, especially the first time.

I grew up in the '50s and '60s B.A.A. (Before Alan Alda), in a macho, male-dominated, old-styled, Latino environment in a very small desert town in southern New Mexico where we were taught men didn't show any type of caring emotion, especially toward other men. We just didn't do it.

I remember, as a little boy, crying, and my grandfather smacking me as he said, "Men don't cry." I cried more after he hit me. Nowadays that incident may be considered child abuse. At the time, it was just the way of life.

I recall observing the men in my community and hoping to be like them one day. I was convinced, however, that my grandpa's goal in life was to keep me from ever achieving that dream. Oh, my grandpa loved me, I found out after he passed away, but he didn't make it obvious. My Dad, a product of the same culture was not quite as bad. He was always at every ballgame I played (I was usually the entertainment) and, although he probably hated it, attended every one of my band performances. He eventually even co-managed one of my rock groups. Dad was always there when I needed him but he never mentioned that four-letter word, love.

One day, I don't remember when -- although I do know it should have been sooner -- having been on active duty for a while, I was talking to my Dad on the phone from a long distance away and for no apparent reason, actually there were many apparent reasons, before we hung up I said, "by the way, Dad, I love you." 

There was a very long pause at the other end. You must realize that my Dad has always been very aware that silence during long distance calls costs money. He finally replied, "I love you too, Bob." Since that moment on, our relationship has grown. And now, every time we talk on the phone or in person we make sure we both acknowledge we love each other.

I've been away from home now for almost 40 years. More than 37 of those years I invested serving my country everywhere but New Mexico. As tough as it may be for them not to have me and my family nearby, Dad and Mom still support my life's mission. So many of my macho buddies who have lost their dads before they took the opportunity to say those four most important words often tell me that if they could do only one thing over again, they'd like to see their father just long enough to say, "I love you, Dad!"

I'm very blessed. My dad is still with me. The highest priority I have on my 'To Do' list every Father's Day is to call my dad and tell him I love him. (It also helps to send a card or a gift.) It seems to me that all fathers have a need to be appreciated. If that's the case, you're dad would probably enjoy hearing those four words from someone he loves - you. Although my thoughts are from a male perspective, I think my point suits you ladies as well. When was the last time you told your dad you love him? It's been too long.

Commentaries - Articles

'I love you, Dad!' Say it like you mean it

  • Published
  • By Bob Vasquez
  • Center for Character Development
"I love you, Dad!" Those are the four most powerful words a father can hear. And, if you're like me, it's a sentiment I'm always listening for. As we celebrate Father's Day I wonder why those same words that bring a man so much joy are so difficult for many of us guys to utter, especially the first time.

I grew up in the '50s and '60s B.A.A. (Before Alan Alda), in a macho, male-dominated, old-styled, Latino environment in a very small desert town in southern New Mexico where we were taught men didn't show any type of caring emotion, especially toward other men. We just didn't do it.

I remember, as a little boy, crying, and my grandfather smacking me as he said, "Men don't cry." I cried more after he hit me. Nowadays that incident may be considered child abuse. At the time, it was just the way of life.

I recall observing the men in my community and hoping to be like them one day. I was convinced, however, that my grandpa's goal in life was to keep me from ever achieving that dream. Oh, my grandpa loved me, I found out after he passed away, but he didn't make it obvious. My Dad, a product of the same culture was not quite as bad. He was always at every ballgame I played (I was usually the entertainment) and, although he probably hated it, attended every one of my band performances. He eventually even co-managed one of my rock groups. Dad was always there when I needed him but he never mentioned that four-letter word, love.

One day, I don't remember when -- although I do know it should have been sooner -- having been on active duty for a while, I was talking to my Dad on the phone from a long distance away and for no apparent reason, actually there were many apparent reasons, before we hung up I said, "by the way, Dad, I love you." 

There was a very long pause at the other end. You must realize that my Dad has always been very aware that silence during long distance calls costs money. He finally replied, "I love you too, Bob." Since that moment on, our relationship has grown. And now, every time we talk on the phone or in person we make sure we both acknowledge we love each other.

I've been away from home now for almost 40 years. More than 37 of those years I invested serving my country everywhere but New Mexico. As tough as it may be for them not to have me and my family nearby, Dad and Mom still support my life's mission. So many of my macho buddies who have lost their dads before they took the opportunity to say those four most important words often tell me that if they could do only one thing over again, they'd like to see their father just long enough to say, "I love you, Dad!"

I'm very blessed. My dad is still with me. The highest priority I have on my 'To Do' list every Father's Day is to call my dad and tell him I love him. (It also helps to send a card or a gift.) It seems to me that all fathers have a need to be appreciated. If that's the case, you're dad would probably enjoy hearing those four words from someone he loves - you. Although my thoughts are from a male perspective, I think my point suits you ladies as well. When was the last time you told your dad you love him? It's been too long.