Integrity's healing power

  • Published
  • By Lt. Col. Dan Oosterhous
  • U.S. Air Force Academy Men's Tennis head coach
U.S. AIR FORCE ACADEMY, Colo. --  Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching. This I learned in 1989, as a U.S. Air Force Academy freshman.
 
It was impossible for me to know at the time how much this truism would help me during the most difficult challenge of my life -- surviving and rehabilitating from two strokes.

At the time of my strokes, I was in my 20th year of service, healthy, athletic and scoring 100 percent on my PT test. I was the Academy men's tennis coach, an instructor pilot in the powered flight program and father to three wonderful kids. On the outside, everything appeared perfect but on the inside, I had a hidden congenital flaw in an artery in my neck that would change my life forever.

In March, I had two brainstem strokes, three weeks apart, with the second causing near paralysis on my left side because the signals from my brain couldn't pass through the damaged part of my brainstem.

During my month-long stay in the hospital, as I learned to use my weakened right side for everything and to rewire my brain to talk to the muscles on the left side of my body, I also learned the true meaning of the quote I often recited as a freshman.

In the hospital, I quickly came to appreciate the familiar feeling between rehab and my military training. My days were packed and any activity - including getting out of bed or moving my fingers -- wore me out. My nights were filled with interrupted sleep and I thought I was back in Basic Cadet Training.

I took my first assisted steps on a treadmill while suspended from a harness, reminiscent of the one I used in parachute training. My therapists demonstrated techniques for putting my clothes on with one arm and tying my shoes with one hand then expected me to do it myself, just like learning maneuvers in pilot training. Despite the exhausting nature of this therapy, I found it easy to work hard during these sessions. It was easy when everyone was watching.

But, when my therapy was over for the day, I had a choice -- I could lay around waiting for the next session and feel sorry for myself or work on getting better. I chose to keep working. I spent most of my free time in bed repeating therapy exercises and creating new ones when no one was watching. Four weeks later, I said goodbye to my caretakers and left the hospital with the use of a walker.

At home, with a shorter schedule of therapy, I no longer had therapists watching me take each step. I could cheat and compensate with other muscles to get around. I could hike my hip to step, slide my foot, or use my right hand to do things I should be retraining my left hand to do. With no one watching, no one would see I was taking the easy way out. Again, I had a choice to make. The quote about integrity surfaced again. I chose to do the right thing.

With time and distance from my strokes, I can now look at my situation through many lenses: stroke patient, tennis coach and Air Force officer. As a patient, I try to take each step -- whether in therapy or walking down the hall at work -- with precision, because I know it counts. As a coach, I tell my athletes every practice is important and to play in practice as they would in a match. As an officer with people depending on me, I have to remain skilled in my career field and make the best decisions on or off duty.

In our short lives, it all matters -- every step taken in recovery, every ball hit in practice, every leadership decision made. It all matters if we want to improve. We can't just be "on" when people are watching.

Now, six months after my first stroke, I am walking again and back at work in my dream job -- coaching tennis. My rehabilitation is ongoing and will last a lifetime. Over and over each day, I have to make the choice to do the right thing or the easy thing. Sometimes I fail and take the easy path, but every time I take a step or reach for an object, I have that quote in the back of mind, guiding my actions, keeping me headed in the right direction: Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking. Integrity is my road to recovery.