Breakup violence is real Published Feb. 7, 2014 By Kristin Larkey Family Advocacy Program U.S. AIR FORCE ACADEMY, Colo. -- The mother of a teenager killed by her ex-boyfriend told CBS News in October that she wished she had told her daughter, 18-year-old Lauren Astley, "If you breakup with someone, never go see him alone again." Lauren was murdered by her ex-boyfriend Nathaniel Fujita on July 3, 2011, near Wayland, Mass. On the surface, it seemed they had the perfect relationship: both were attractive and popular and Nathaniel was a star athlete on the Wayland High School football team. But behind closed doors, Lauren and Nathaniel's relationship was a roller coaster: they fought all the time, broke-up, got back together again, and kept repeating this cycle until finally, in the spring of their senior year and on Lauren's 18th birthday, Lauren broke up with Nathaniel for good. Nathaniel was devastated, jealous, isolated and clinically depressed. He began harassing Lauren. On July 3rd, 2011, months after their breakup, Lauren drove alone to Nathaniel's house where he strangled her with a bungee cord and cut her throat. Nathaniel was found guilty of first degree murder with deliberate premeditation in February 2013 and sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. February is Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month, part of a national program to raise awareness of abuse in teen and 20-something relationships and promote prevention programs. Teen dating violence is not an argument every once in a while or the result of a bad mood after a bad day -- it's a pattern of violent behavior used against a partner to maintain power and control. The abuse can be physical, sexual, or emotional but teens often do not recognize they are in an emotionally abusive relationship because the signs can be subtle. Abuse might begin with name-calling, put-downs, controlling behavior, and jealousy, which then escalates into threats, intimidation and stalking. Recently, there has been more awareness of a disturbing phenomenon called "breakup violence." When a relationship ends, it's common to experience loneliness, betrayal, abandonment and intense sadness, but sometimes there can be a surge of uncontrollable anger that leads to verbal or physical abuse after a breakup. Social media adds significant pressure to teen breakups. The digital world makes the breakup much harder and sometimes humiliating for teens. Instead of being private, the breakup is often tweeted, texted and posted on Facebook. Everyone knows about it and communicates about it, which teens can find traumatizing. Parents and teens have to be involved in preventing breakup violence. Both need to notice and recognize the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, as it can help determine how a person will react to a breakup. It might be uncommon or uncomfortable for parents to talk to their teens about the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, but if they have these conversations and ask the right questions, they may be able to save a life. Resources: · www.loveisrespect.org · www.loveisnotabuse.com · National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1-866-331-9474 · Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence 24-hour hotline: 1-888-778-7091 · TESSA Crisis line (a local agency offering confidential services): 633-3819 · For more information, call the Academy's Family Advocacy Program at 333-5270.